| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2009|06:10 am] |
Why does Michael Jackson like 97 year olds?
They are also dead. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|09:30 pm] |
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Marathons have 10 elite athletes followed by 10,000 amateurs. I think they should do more athletic events like this. I want to see 10,000 people jump into a pool following Michael Phelps. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2009|07:56 am] |
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I just got an email from TOMS shoes announcing that they now have youth's sizes. What have they been giving kids the past couple years? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|12:58 pm] |
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Is it more than coincidence that the Northwest not only has the most sightings of Bigfoot in America but that they also have the best weed? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2009|08:54 pm] |
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my house got broken into...they didnt get much...but where the fuck are my remote controls.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|01:41 am] |
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I like to refer to Joe Biden and Barack Obama as Bacardi and cola...sometimes diet cola.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|11:02 pm] |
I just bought a new hose to water my lawn that had a label that says: attention California residents: this product contains material that is known to be cancerous...do not drink from...
good thing I live in Oregon.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|12:44 pm] |
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I enjoy the juxtaposition of thousands of fans outside a hospital with rest in peace signs... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|06:24 am] |
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On the cover of People, Bristol Palin refers to her child as a consequence... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2009|09:46 pm] |
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I now own a shamwow...Somebody needs to put me to bed at night.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|08:00 pm] |
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sometimes I like to use my phone to make and receive calls.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|07:24 am] |
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I went grocery shopping last week...the next day I went to the doctor and he told me I'm not allowed to eat any more salt...now I have to get rid of all my groceries.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2009|09:15 pm] |
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On Hannity tonight Dick Cheney referred to water boarding and other forms of torture as "asking tough questions"... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2009|06:29 pm] |
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I always get complemented on the veins on my arm whenever I give blood, or get lab work done, or inject drugs... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|09:13 pm] |
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I was browsing the bulletin board at the grocery when I came across this gem: "UEGENT wanted: adult diapers" |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|10:23 pm] |
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I was walking through my neighborhood and saw that somebody threw a used pregnancy test on the ground. Looks like I'm getting a new neighbor in a few months... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|07:34 am] |
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My mom bought me a snuggie.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2009|05:56 pm] |
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Just because my last name vaguely sounds like limerick doesn't mean I'm Irish. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|04:31 pm] |
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Today was the last day of the term before final's week, so I received two doughnuts, a Hershey's bar, an apple, and a box of cookies from various students. |
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